Zefron Poster Tells All
by NaylaWood
Summary: Greeting to all! Yes, I am that boss Zefron poster hanging in the one-and-only Albus Dumbledore's office. I overhear lots of classified information hanging above my dumbledear's office, and I'm about to share it with you
1. Back To Hogwarts

Life of the Evil Zefron Poster Back to Hogwarts: Myths and Facts Greeting to all! Yes, I am that boss Zefron poster hanging in the one-and-only Albus Dumbledore's office. I overhear lots of classified information hanging above my dumbledear's office, and I'm about to share it with you! I bet all you students are ready and very excited to hop your little tushs' on the Hogwarts' train. There have been many rumors in sticky, crayon written letters flying around with your runny nosed owls. I'm going to share some top secret (not secret soon) Information with you. It is true: The Scarf of Sexual Preferences and the Sorting Hat are on their honeymoon. So three cheers for the newly wedded lovebirds "Hip, hip (throw your fist in the air and yell 'HOORAY')" "Hip, hip (throw your fist in the air and yell 'HOORAY')" "hip, hip (throw your fist in the air and yell 'HOORAY')" Thanks to that sexy tushed Harry (freakin) Potter and his pet weasel, the Great Hall will be serving free Redvines. And for those of you who prefer Twizzlers, I will find you, kill you, and then sell you to Snape to use in his secret meth lab in his office. Since Hogwarts has a history of … killer teachers (kids, be cool and don't tattle to your parents) , Me and Dumbledear chose the new DADA teacher wisely. Guess what?! We hired the Squirrel! The application was extremely shady and didn't hold picture information. Dumbledear and I figured that it meant the Squirrel was afraid that we wouldn't hire cute, cuddly , talking woodland creatures. Come on Hogwarts Grads, We have a drunk, over bearded gorilla making the Hogwarts grounds pretty and safe.


	2. Update: HouseCup,Sneezey Farts,new cheer

** Zefron Poster Tells All**

**Update: House Cup, The Origin of Sneeze-like Farts, and New House Cheers**

Hello Everybody! It appears that instead of the cuddly squirrel we were expecting, we got some smart ass, stuttering terrorist. Dumbledear informs me that his real name is Quirrel. I can't possibly wrap my sexy head full of hair around the fact that a family was so close to having their name be Squirrel and just passed up the chance to change it. I am sorry to tell you that I simply forgot about the House Cup: A tournament where all the houses turn on each other on quests where they face death. Please don't judge Dumbledore and me, We were at the stag party for The Scarf of Sexuality and The Sorting Hat's wedding. We were drunk and depressed because we have to compete with The Hunger Games. I mean, what is more entertaining then watching a suffering nation using amazing technology to make children fight to death instead of using it to solve the world's problems? The Dumbledear gang and I found the most gruesome thing legal to do to the children, for others' entertainment of course. The house champions are: Cedric Diggory for Hufflepuff, Malfoy for Slytheren, Cho (sex kitten) Chang, and the one and only Harry Potter for Gryffindor. I made a bet with Dumbledear that the Hufflepuff will either be dead in the first five seconds or would kill everyone around him with that horrifyingly flashy smile. For all students on campus, Please don't be alarmed about the huge squabble that was "accidentally" amplified through the grounds of Hogwarts. I made creative house team cheers that grew popular among the students. Of course, Dumbledore thought them as "inappropriate." Now they are banned, so I made some clean and boring ones.

Banned House Cheers 

Suck it, Suck it Slytheren

Grope, Grope Gryffindor

Rape, Rape Ravenclaw

(I couldn't find a cheer for Hufflepuff. That's how much they suck)

New "clean" Cheers

Slide, Slide Slytheren

Gallop, Gallop Gryffindor

Radical, Radical Ravenclaw

… Hug, Hug Hufflepuff?...

Something else has come to my attention; the new DADA teacher has sneeze-like farts. Since farts make a noise because of your butt cheek pressed together, I would say he has some whack job but. Maybe he tried that muggle trend… um… plastic surgery?

ALSO, A shout-out to the Hogwarts choir for accompanying me in singing Work This Out from HMS to Dumbledear after the fight

**A/N: Please review! They will be greatly appreciated. Hope you i like it. I will write more this weekend, probably at least four more chapters! I'm going to put together an Albus/Scorpius story in a month or so, so stay tuned... or reading...**


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